Trusting, in any process is probably one of the hardest things to do. I witness this with my clients on a daily basis. We get so caught up in the anticipation of seeing a desired number on the scale, or in receiving a desired outcome at work. However, when things don’t happen according to the timelines we’ve established for ourselves, it results in feelings of disappointment, guilt, failure, and an inevitable backslide in personal progress.
I was recently listening to an old recording from the world-renowned Ram Dass as he spoke about food and mindfulness. He said, “If you are an overweight individual, and your thoughts are purely focused on losing weight, you will live in a state of suffering. But if you eat, move, and live mindfully, you will be thin.” This struck me, and resonated deeply with the struggle that I witness women experiencing daily. What he’s saying is that it’s so easy to focus on what we are not, what we do not have, or on what has not yet arrived. In this mindset, we will always be suffering. However, if we transform this energy into trust and an understanding that we are doing what needs to be done, we will find that the fruits we wish to yield come in their own perfect timing; eventually, joy and our desired results reveal themselves. What has become evident to me through my coaching practice—and in my own life—is that trusting the process and releasing attachment to the end result is how you can truly begin to find joy in your own journey.
The key to this “allowing” if you will, is to make yourself ready—to do the inner work in preparation for your goals. How many times have we been so focused on our desires that when something comes along—be it a job, a relationship, or an opportunity to be healthier—we miss it, cannot handle it, or believe we don’t deserve it? This is human nature, and it is what our egos always guide us towards. But we have the ability to control this focus and turn it inward. In order to do this, you must create the life you want by allowing yourself to feel the way you desire to feel. If falling in love is one of your deepest desires, try practicing self-love; it will create this space, safety, and feeling for you on a cellular level. If recovering from an eating disorder or illness is your desire, dive into non-negotiable acts of self-care to lay the foundation for this purpose. When we do this internal work, we live in a state of self-acceptance. We will be able to align our actions with our desires and recognize them. Now, there is no dissonance; you will feel the validation from whatever comes your way because you have created this foundation within yourself.
“Even when nothing seems to indicate that you are accomplishing what you desire in your life, refuse to entertain doubt.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer